So I’ve been doing the most recent step I posted about a few days ago and “imagining myself fully into my new habit.” I tried to visualize myself sitting at my desk for a certain amount of time each day, or at a certain time each day, and couldn’t. I know that won’t work. I can’t see myself sitting down to write everyday for X hours (which is what was in the back of my mind). Since I hate routines and immediately break them, that just doesn’t seem doable. Even this self-challenge of writing everyday is already getting on my nerves. One of these days I know I will “forget” completely, promptly forgive myself and, just like expunging my sins by going to confession, go back to writing the next day. (At at the moment, my step #13 for habit-building.)
Instead, I imagine me sitting on the train writing, or stopping in the middle of the street and writing on the back of my shopping list… it’s that spontaneous “in the moment” writing that I would like to do again. I am not sure it’s even a habit… it’s more like a way of being in the world… a desire to be fully aware of a moment in time by writing it.
So my next step is to ask: “Do I really want this ‘habit’ (or way of being)?” Absolutely!
I realize that I am not even concerned with keeping my writing (although I do)… or even sharing it (even if I am). What attracts me is the evanescent moment, that instant when I manage to exactly re-create in words an idea or a feeling… or not and spend hours or days trying to get to just the right words. And when I find them… ZINGGO! that’s it… yes! It is that flash of elation and surprise when I “capture” the experience and I know immediately and deeply that I did it. It is complete connection. … Maybe it is similar to getting exactly the right framing, light and feeling in a photograph… or getting a “hole in one” in golf. Or coming up with just the right argument at exactly the right time in a debate. What is that moment for you?
kate
Instead, I imagine me sitting on the train writing, or stopping in the middle of the street and writing on the back of my shopping list… it’s that spontaneous “in the moment” writing that I would like to do again. I am not sure it’s even a habit… it’s more like a way of being in the world… a desire to be fully aware of a moment in time by writing it.
So my next step is to ask: “Do I really want this ‘habit’ (or way of being)?” Absolutely!
I realize that I am not even concerned with keeping my writing (although I do)… or even sharing it (even if I am). What attracts me is the evanescent moment, that instant when I manage to exactly re-create in words an idea or a feeling… or not and spend hours or days trying to get to just the right words. And when I find them… ZINGGO! that’s it… yes! It is that flash of elation and surprise when I “capture” the experience and I know immediately and deeply that I did it. It is complete connection. … Maybe it is similar to getting exactly the right framing, light and feeling in a photograph… or getting a “hole in one” in golf. Or coming up with just the right argument at exactly the right time in a debate. What is that moment for you?
kate
RSS Feed
