White stair going up. Venice, October, 2014. klk Mercoledi, 7 ottobre
I found out today that someone died a few days ago. She was 59. I knew her only a little… only as the always helpful, always willing office assistant where I was a going to school. She was patient, sunny, always in a good mood, calm, ready to help, knowledgeable, a gentle person… and two years younger than I am. One person… and I know everyday many people die, and not all of them have lived a full life. It just threw me for a loop. One person. Was she happy with her life? Fulfilled? Did she do all she wanted to do? Did she do what she came into this world to do?
Sitting down, trying to write about it words come to mind that don't quite capture the fear, the fragility… deep sadness…. the inescapability. Even going for a walk and “breathing in the green” didn’t help much. How precious the days are and how fast they go! Then the title of one of Bruce Chatwin’s books comes to mind, as it usually does at times like this: “What am I doing here?” Then I wonder what it will take to get me moving and actually do what I want to do while I can do it. Just keep moving...
At least today I did exactly what I want to get back to (the habit I’d like to have): sit down at any random moment and write through a powerful experience. I can’t say I got far, but at least I started and tried, which means I am moving and is a BIG success. I already feel lighter! Now I am asking myself about the two next steps:
5. Project the distance you want to travel.
6. What is realistic? What works for me? How can I weave the new habit (or piece of a habit) into my life as it is now to give myself the best chance for success?
Is anyone else working on building a habit this month? How's it going?
kate
I found out today that someone died a few days ago. She was 59. I knew her only a little… only as the always helpful, always willing office assistant where I was a going to school. She was patient, sunny, always in a good mood, calm, ready to help, knowledgeable, a gentle person… and two years younger than I am. One person… and I know everyday many people die, and not all of them have lived a full life. It just threw me for a loop. One person. Was she happy with her life? Fulfilled? Did she do all she wanted to do? Did she do what she came into this world to do?
Sitting down, trying to write about it words come to mind that don't quite capture the fear, the fragility… deep sadness…. the inescapability. Even going for a walk and “breathing in the green” didn’t help much. How precious the days are and how fast they go! Then the title of one of Bruce Chatwin’s books comes to mind, as it usually does at times like this: “What am I doing here?” Then I wonder what it will take to get me moving and actually do what I want to do while I can do it. Just keep moving...
At least today I did exactly what I want to get back to (the habit I’d like to have): sit down at any random moment and write through a powerful experience. I can’t say I got far, but at least I started and tried, which means I am moving and is a BIG success. I already feel lighter! Now I am asking myself about the two next steps:
5. Project the distance you want to travel.
6. What is realistic? What works for me? How can I weave the new habit (or piece of a habit) into my life as it is now to give myself the best chance for success?
Is anyone else working on building a habit this month? How's it going?
kate
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